Not Borat’s Kazakhstan

On our final morning in Almaty, we fell into conversation with a pair of Israeli brothers who live in Ukraine but were in Kazakstan to investigate investment opportunities in the cattle industry.

“It’s so clean!” one raved about the country. “The people are so warm and open! There is so much less corruption than in Ukraine!”

Nodded the other, “It’s not Borat’s Kazakstan.”

Borat, movie lovers no doubt remember, is the fictitious Kazakh journalist at the center of “Borat: Cultural Leanings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.” The pidgin English in the movie title is the first clue Kazakstan is in for a rough ride on the big screen.

Sure enough, the mockumentary meant to lampoon American ignorance and prejudice about countries ending in “Stan” instead became the image of Kazakhstan for audiences everywhere. 

“The film created such a strong, if misleading, impression that many viewers were left unsure if Kazakhstan was even a real country, and it quickly became one of the most globally recognized — albeit misrepresented — national names due to the the movie,” according to Perplexity, our go-to AI source.

We can’t remember all the ways the movie misrepresented Kazakhstan, but we’re here to tell you: Kazakhs have much more glorious stories to tell than Borat did.

There is the story of Aliya Moldagulova. An orphan who grew up to be a sniper during WWII, she killed at least 30 (as many as 78) Nazis before being fatally wounded leading comrades into battle.

Kazakhs still leave fresh flowers at the statue’s feet in downtown Almaty.

There is the story of Rakhimzhan Qoshqarbay, another orphan of Soviet control in Kazakhstan. An officer in the Red Army, he was the first to raise the Soviet flag over the Reichstag signaling to the world that Nazi Germany was defeated. The flag and his accomplishment are memorialized in the Central State Museum of the Republic of Kazakhstan.

There is nothing to laugh at in Almaty’s tree-lined streets, spotless sidewalks, drivers who unfailingly stop at traffic lights (it helps that there are cameras everywhere), vast public parks and unexpected public art.

Okay, okay. Full disclosure. Of course, there are the inevitable concrete Soviet-era apartment and office buildings (though many have been given new facades to camouflage their Brutalist origins). There is still stupendous corruption. Almaty has poor and homeless people (though the homeless don’t appear to be sleeping on the streets). And it is the richest of the Stans so it has a leg up on its fellow Stans.

Still, like all of Central Asia since the collapse of the USSR in 1991, the country has had to push boulders uphill to reach the Information Age after centuries of being overrun, repressed and robbed by one hoard after another. The work is not complete, not necessarily pretty or consistent or comfortable. You eat a lot of dust to explore the Stans.

But Kazakstan and its fellows are independent for the first time in hundreds of years, and they are rightly proud of how far they have come. In some ways they leave the US in their dust. There is maternity leave of 126 days for every mother in Kazakstan, and monthly child-care until the child reaches a year and a half — all paid by the state. Private employers routinely top these benefits off.

Meanwhile, in the massive Green Bazaar, the groceries are edible works of art, and the aisles are so immaculate Louis missed the chaos familiar from Middle Eastern souks.

Beyond the city, Kazakh roads unfurl smooth as silk and lead to natural wonders like the canyon where the Charyn River and geologic forces have twisted red sandstone of into towering formations.

Other highways lead to rivers we cross on horseback to reach alpine lanes dammed into existence by earthquakes.

The Israeli investors told us Kazakhstan is a new land of opportunity. They are so smitten they plan to relocate from Odessa.

We were still talking about their enthusiasm when the immigration officer at sparkling Almaty International Airport handed back our passports and said, “Thank you for visiting our country.”

Aboard the national airline, the legroom in economy was downright old-fashioned, and warm snacks were served despite the mere two-hour flight.

In the end, the joke’s on Borat: Kazakhstan really is pretty glorious.

COMING SOON! Louis’s Turn: KYRG and KAZ