Potty Talk – the Sequel

Day 178 – cruising the Pacific Ocean off California – follow Insignia on CruiseMapper

Historic followers of Partout may remember our original “Potty Talk” report. Doris and Louis certainly remember it because, for the longest time, “Potty Talk” was the most-read blog we ever published. Which says a lot about human nature, our followers, or something else we don’t really want to think too much about.

Regardless, having been alerted that toilet talk is of great interest to our faithful followers, we began “collecting string” (journalist-talk for rat-holing juicy tidbits for a future story) about potties as soon as we began flushing our way around the world last January. Now down to the last couple days of our circumnavigation, it is time to talk toilets.

Winning Washrooms

Our 2020 observations about toilets all held up on the world tour, i.e., “all toilets are not created equal worldwide,” some toilets are amusing and others confusing, some are educational and others beautiful, etc.

In the familiar categories, the Singapore Botanical Garden deserves at least two best-potty prizes: Best Scatological Humor and Most Beautiful Bathroom.

The sign below was posted in the men’s room (as if scatological humor would be found anywhere else) and amused us both, albeit for different reasons.

The loo below in the same public park projected a thoroughly different vibe. Though it did cross our minds that replacing mirrors with plants in a ladies room might be another bit of Singaporean humor, Doris voted it the loveliest loo of the voyage, right down to the toddler sink.

Creative approaches to gender signage also continue to inform, charm and sometimes befuddle toilet users the world over. The best ones inform and charm more than they befuddle like this one in Hoi An, Vietnam.

This one indicating a men’s room on the Seychelles island that is home to the world’s largest nut combined humor and information and only slightly befuddled us with the skirt-like shirt.

What Would an Alien Say?

While many toilet themes were familiar from previous travels, we came across a few newer ones that made us wonder what aliens parachuting to earth would make of us earthlings.

For example, we saw instructions like these on every continent. Based on the number of them, squatting on toilets has reached crisis proportions in public bathrooms worldwide.

What’s more, as suggested by this sign in a Port Stanley, Falklands, convincing users to take a toilet seat instead of standing on it does not cover all the options that need to be discouraged in the peeing public.

It also turns out squatting itself has nuances that require further illustration and discouragement.

Those wags at the Singapore Botanical Garden even went so far as to turn sitting/squatting conundrum into a comic strip. We particularly liked the footprints on the toilet seat.

To Flush and What to Flush

But let us not get stuck on toilet seats when there is a whole world of toilet topics to explore.

Flushing, for example. As every parent knows, flushing the toilet is not an instinct children are born with except when the flushing involves unnatural materials that can produce spectacular plumbing failures. Flushing natural materials must be taught.

From the looks of signs in public bathrooms around the world, flushing natural materials does not come naturally to adults either.

The Sparkling Domestic Divas of Brunei (we did not make that up) approach the matter simply and directly: Flush. Flush if you read English, flush if you read Maylay. Just flush. (Note that toilet seat gymnastics are also discouraged by the Divas but not as directly as the request to flush.)

To assure that the mechanics of flushing do not get in the way, helpful operating instructions are common around the world. This one from Japan could not be clearer, right?

This one from Ghana could be a bit clearer, but that would spoil the fun of contemplating whether to flush or flash in the men’s room so we kinda liked it the way it was.

Needless to say, the materials that are flushed are also a subject of considerable commentary in public bathrooms, none of it consistent. Countries, cities, even buildings are deeply divided on whether toilet paper can or should be flushed and where, if not flushed, it should go.

A Word About Japan

We never knew visiting public restrooms would be so interesting, and that’s before we got to Japan, which is in a class all its own when it comes to toilets.

One of Doris’s few enduring disappointments of the voyage is that our stop in Port Moji on the island of Kyushu was canceled due to one of the cruise’s itinerary hiccups. This eliminated her much-anticipated opportunity to visit the Toto Museum where 100 years of the culture and history of plumbing equipment is on display alongside Gen. Douglas MacArthur’s personal bathroom suite, all in a building designed to look like a water drop. For a reporter of potty talk, this was Valhalla.

Instead, your valiant reporters had to make do with visiting, documenting and photographing Japan’s toilets. Insignia spent nearly two weeks in Japan and everyone on board … okay, every woman on board … is still talking about the toilets. Whether in a luxury hotel or a humble 7-11, the typical public restroom in Japan is equipped with toilets that have heated seats, multi-option bidet operations and bum dryers. (Most, btw, are manufactured by Toto, the Rolls Royce of toilet-building.)

Most stalls also are equipped with “privacy” machines users can tune to music or breaking ocean waves to mask the sound of, er, sitting. Oh! And many stalls come outfitted with a baby/toddler seat so moms can relieve themselves of their little ones before otherwise relieving themselves. Note to world: please replicate immediately.

Japanese restroom signage also sets a bar for explanation no other country remotely approaches. In one small stall, Doris counted 17 different sets of instructions on the four walls. Consider the following sample that includes helpful “How to Use a Toilet” instructions, a hand-activated privacy soundbox, a shiny flush button and even a friendly “Have a nice trip!” message. And that’s just on one of the walls!

Whether the nice trip wished upon users applied to the one inside or outside the stall was left to speculation, but we have enjoyed both.

Another Question Answered

Rose asked, “Have you ever once used the pool or the hot tub?”

If the cruise were longer, we would actually have produced a Partout on the myriad things we never managed to do in six months on the ship. It is a long list. We never played shuffleboard, Texas hold-‘em, mah jongg, baggo bean bag toss or attended a single late-night party. So many options, so little time! Louis actually did dip into the pool and hot tub a few times, but Doris held fast to her firm commitment to avoid getting her hair wet outside the shower and never dipped a toe.

The same cannot be said of a number of fellow passengers and crew who observed the RTW tradition of jumping into the pool fully dressed as we sailed away from our final port before sailing back to San Francisco. If there was any lingering doubt that a world cruise resembles a prolonged summer camp plus alcohol and minus a curfew, this picture should resolve that.

Where’s Snowy?

Besides having a grand time in Victoria, British Columbia, where three of Louis’s CBC buddies rendezvoused with us for a glorious day of laughter and memories?

Coming Soon!

DONE!!! Final Reflections and Surprises